Andy Green: The Book of Thoughts About The Book of Boba Fett
Warning: Spoilers ahead!
Episodes 1 and 2
Boba Fett starts things off pretty rough pickin up where we last saw him, in the belly of that son of a bitchin’ Sarlacc. Dead storm troopers are the first thing he wakes up to, but at least he’s got all his cool Boba Fett weapons so he quickly flamethrows his way to the surface of Tatooine. It’s pretty hot out there with the two suns and all, so Boba Fett passes out and a bunch of jawas take all his cool Mandalorian armor and leave him nothing but his one-piece boba fett undwear pajamas.
Some Tusken Raiders find him and immediately don’t like his underwear and make him a slave. He’s out collecting weird water plants in the desert with one of those Greedo creatures when a giant sand beast decides to throw a wrench in things. Boba Fett, with nothing but his underwear and his chains manages to decapitate the creature and they go back to the Tusken Raider camp and show everybody what happened.
The chief Tusken Raider is like, dude… that was pretty cool… so here’s a weird desert water plant… but you’re still gonna have to just wear your underwear. We flashback to present day Jabbas Palace and Boba Fett is havin an “I’m the new boss” party. All the desert crime folk show up to give Boba Fett a bunch of presents. This one guy sends some stooge to give Boba his gift and this really pisses Boba Fett off, so he decides “F*** it” I’ll go get the presents myself and embarks on a journey to get his presents.
We flashback to him with the Tusken Raider camp and the Chief is training him how to fight with Tusken battle staffs. But yeah, he’s still in his underwear pajamas. They’re all out havin a fun time in the desert when they run into some folks and get some speeder bikes. The Tusken Raiders have never f***ed with one of these things before, so Boba Fett has a hilarious time training them to ride.
They start to think he’s pretty cool, (but not cool enough not to have to do everything in his one-piece undwear pajamas)… and rob a desert train. Finally, they’re like ok, you killed that sand beast, you fought pretty good, you had some laughs with us and taught us how to ride land speeders… it’s finally time we have a Tusken Raider fashion party and get you some real clothes to wear. Tusken Raiders take him to the dressing room and start dollin’ him up.
He steps out of the dressing tent and sees that there’s quite a party goin on around a fire and everyone starts doin a wacky, fun Tusken Raider dance together. After they’re dance times, he’s invited in to a tent for one more present. A tiny lizard. The chief throws water on Boba’s face and the lizard jumps right into Boba Fetts skull, causing him to trip out and go on hallucination filled desert walk to find his battle branch. He brings it back and the chiefs like, lets’ get you a skull basher made.
They get done with their craft time and Boba Fett finally doesn’t have to do Tusken Raider stuff in his underwear all day.
What I think So Far Star Wars Rating: Not pissed or depressed but hopeful that this show is gonna not ruin Boba Fett.
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