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Alexa Can Now Wipe Your Butt For You

Author Dave & Chuck the Freak
Can Amazon Alexa now wipe your butt for you? (Photo by Nadine Hutton /Getty Images)

People often vent about their concern over privacy issues with Amazon’s Alexa or Google Assistant. They don’t like how it’s always listening in to every conversation you have. I get the privacy concern. Speaking of privacy…can Alexa now wipe your butt for you?

The answer is a surprising: yes. Yes, it can. Thanks to new technology!

Alexa Can Now Wipe Your Butt For You!

Kohler’s new bidet is equipped to take voice commands from Amazon’s Alexa and Google Assistant. That means that in a way your Alexa or device can indeed now wipe for you. Here we were worrying about technology, AI, and robots taking our jobs and ruining society. Now, let’s slow our roll. Let’s hear them out!

Kohler debuted the cutting-edge bidet at CES 2024. The new USD PureWash E930 is a smart technology bidet that will reportedly be selling for $1,289, according to Hypebeast. So, if you’re someone who, for lack of a better term, can wipe your butt with money…try this instead!

Actually, that’s just a joke. I couldn’t resists a ‘wipe your butt with money’ joke when talking about a new fancy bidet. However, this bidet is actually quite affordable! Really affordable, actually. Especially when you consider that comparable bidets and competitors are selling them for tens of thousands of dollars, according to Hypebeast.

New Kohler Bidet Uses Alexa To Wipe Your Butt?

Kohler has sold manual bidets already, but this one is unique because of its ability to connect with Amazon’s Alexa and Google Assistant. With this model, users can turn the bidet on and off, emit the air dryer, and clean the toilet using UV technology, and change the temperature and pressure of the water, per Hypebeast.

Not comfortable using voice commands? You’re missing out! But don’t worry. There are other ways to use the toilet, like a remote control for manual use. Hypebeast points out that the bidet even has a night setting that will illuminate the toilet so you can always find it. How awesome is that? Tired of wiping your butt? Turn to Kohler because their new bidet can use Alexa to do it!

Read more about Kohler’s new bidet at Hypebeast!

5 Technological Advancements That Are Both Amazing and Terrifying

The future is now obviously, well when I wrote that, that was the past. Now, um… now it’s the present. What I will write next will be the future. You get the idea. We live in a time people in the distant past only dreamt about. Our time is one of incredible advancements in technology. There was a time when the abacus was the top dog in technology. And now our iPhones sure make that look incredibly stupid. Yes, the wonders of tomorrow are seemingly today… these technological advancements have real potential to help society and continue propelling us forward… or they could bring about our doom. Here’s 5 technological advancements that I find both amazing and also terrifying to my core!

  • Artificial Intelligence Artists

    One area of humanity that I’m assuming all creative types of people were not worried about was robots taking over was the art world. How could a machine possibly replicate the the human experience’s interpretation of the world around us and then placing the magnificence onto a canvas. Surely only humans have the emotional depth to create what we consider art. There’s absolutely no way a machine could do that better than us. Well, turns out they can. And not only can they do art… they do art BETTER than artists that are featured in the Colorado State Fair. Sorry, to Colorado’s modern day Van Gogh’s but… you got your asses kicked by artificial intelligence and the nerd that learned how to use it.

  • Liquid Robots

    I guess that our only course of action, should robots rise to power is to see what James Cameron thinks we should do. We all saw ‘Terminator 2.’ We know that the last thing we need is liquid terminators. They are an extra pain in the ass. A robot that can shift its shape and squeeze through about anything is definitely the stuff of nightmares. Unless we can get to a molten metal factory or steal a truck with a bunch of liquid nitrogen, I really don’t know what we will do when this magnetic slime robot becomes self aware.

  • Giant Mechs

    There are plenty of anime with giant battling mechs and mech suits. Nerds sure love this stuff. The idea of having a giant mech suit we can hop into to fight the giant mechs we created that are destroying our cities should at least give you some comfort. Sure, right now all we have to worry about are drones and robot dogs… but the right Dr. Wiley from Megaman type of scientist comes along and what do ya know… giant robots are terrorizing everyone and making their day extra sh**y. This guy built his own mech suit, so he’s ready. But for the rest of us we are at a real disadvantage for whatever dystopian mech future awaits us.

  • Microscopic Robots

    I’ve talked about it before on Dave and Chuck The Freak. The frightening idea of microscopic robots. The good thing is that the medical application of robots built on a microscopic scale could be completely world-changing in the area of healthcare. But I can’t help but imagine the nightmare of someone blowing a bunch of them on you then having them crawl into your orifices, ultimately getting into your bloodstream and brain and controlling you like a zombie. I obviously have problems.

  • Robot Zombie Spiders

    What is the one thing that can make scary robots even scarier? Well, if they were dead spiders of course. Scientists have recently discovered how to reanimate spiders to use their legs to work on components that are extremely small. Hey, scientists… seriously? Friggin zombie spider robots? Sure they seem harmless now… but what if one person gets their hands on the ability to make the spiders the size of buildings? What then, scientists?! Yeah, then probably don’t do any more work on the zombie spider robot program.

Cort Freeman was born and raised in Metro Detroit. He was named Clarkston High School 2009 Class Clown 13 years after graduating. Totally normal thing to happen. That’s thanks to his time spent as an Intern at Comedy Central and Social Media Correspondent for The Colbert Report. Cort has done comedy across the country, both standing up and sitting down. When he’s not trying to make you laugh on-air and online, he’s probably at home enjoying his favorite shows like Seinfeld, South Park, and The Office. He’s also totally uncomfortable writing about himself in the third person. Cort enjoys writing about comedy, food, sports, and entertainment. So, basically anything and everything.

Would you use this bidet? Let us know in the comments!

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