One of the most underrated weekends of the year is upon us. Masters weekend gets a ton of hype. Super Bowl weekend, Easter weekend, St. Paddy’s Weekend, and more all get plenty of attention and are constantly circled on calendars. Yet, this weekend seems to often go by without being fully appreciated.
This weekend, we get two fun events to enjoy before we have to go back to work. Friday is Cinqo de Mayo. That’s always enjoyable and you can find great deals at your local watering hole. It’s a fantastic excuse to go out and have some Margs with friends. Then, on Saturday, we get the Kentucky Derby. We’ll trade in our margaritas for Mint Juleps. Our sombreros for big fancy hat things.
They call the Kentucky Derby one of the most exciting two minutes in sports. It goes by fast, but there’s no lack of thrill. For me, however, I watch because I often get a kick out of the names of the horses. There are always some clever names and puns in the mix. I don’t know much about horse racing, so when I go to bet on the horses, I don’t go by the odds or their racing history–I don’t know any of that. I simply go by the funniest name. This year, we’ve got some gems.
I’ve decided to rank all 20 horses competing in the 2023 Kentucky Derby by funniest name. Which horse will I be supporting this year? Find out below.
20. Disarm
via Canvas
There’s nothing funny here. I’m not going to try to make it funny, either. It’s the least funny name in the lineup this year.
19. Reincarnate
via Canva
Reincarnate just makes me think of death and when trying to find humor that might not be the best place to start. It’s not the least funniest name…but it’s certainly not the funniest.
18. Forte
via Canva
Forte and funny both start with F. That’s about it, though.
17. Confidence Game
via Canva
Being funny takes a lot of confidence and is in and of itself a confidence game, but does that make the name funny? No. Just a strange name for a horse that sounds like the name of a Sherlock Holmes sequel more than an actual name.
16. Practical Move
via Canva
The word practical sort of implies logic and seriousness, in a sense. Maybe it’s funny because it’s not funny? If that makes sense…
15. Angel Of Empire
via Canva
Angel Of Empire sounds like a good band name or a bad screen name. Definitely one of those.
14. Jace's Road
via Canva
Am I missing something? Am I supposed to know Jace’s Road? Is it a famous road? I hate not being in on jokes, and feel like I’m missing something here? Or is there nothing to it at all? Is there some sort of literary or pop culture reference I’m not getting? I need to know.
13. Mage
via Canva
It’s cool, but it’s not really funny. D&D fans will enjoy, however.
12. Verifying
via Canva
Probably would have been funnier a couple weeks ago when Twitter was going through all that blue checkmark no blue checkmark stuff with verification. Now it’s played out and old. Timing is everything with humor. Verifying just missed out and didn’t take advantage of the trend.
11. Sun Thunder
via Canva
It’s like an oxymoron, in a way. Don’t often encounter thunder in the sun. I suppose the quirkiness is funny, in a way.
10. Continuar
via Canva
I thought it was funnier when I was picturing some sort of strange Centaur but different. Then I found out it’s just Spanish for “continue.” Not as funny as it sounded in my head at first.
9. Derma Sotogake
via Canva
Sounds like the name of a new skin product you get prescribed by your dermatologist.
8. Kingsbarns
via Canva
Not sure what it means, but after repeating it many times out loud it finally started to sound normal…if you use a British accent.
7. Raise Cain
via Canva
I’m not sure if it’s funny, but it reminds me of the chicken place with the really good ranch. Mmm really good ranch.
6. Skinner
via Canva
Sounds like a nickname for an old buddy in high school more than it sounds like a name for a horse. Skinner seems like it would be a well-liked horse within the group of horses. Definitely sits at the popular table.
5. Rocket Can
via Canva
It sounds made up, but I like it. Is it supposed to be like “who can win this race?” “Well, Rocket Can!” or does he have a rocket can, or something? It doesn’t make sense, but I think that’s kind of what makes it funny.
4. Tapit Trice
via Canva
I admit, I’m a sucker for alliteration. Tapid Trice sounds like a name for an up and coming rapper.
3. Two Phil's
via Canva
Is this the name of a horse in the Kentucky Derby, or your local pub? The horse being one singular entity makes it a humorous name. Could also be the name of a hit sitcom on ABC.
2. Hit Show
via Canva
Is this a play on the phrase sh*itshow? If it is then it deserves major points and credit. My concern is that if that is, indeed, the intention behind the name wouldn’t it be a more appropriate name for a horse who’s clumsy or not expected to win? If I lose betting on Hit Show I feel like I kind of deserve it, or should have seen it coming.
1. Lord Miles
via Canva
I love assigning royalty to the horse. The name rolls off the tongue. Joke’s on us in the end, because we have to address the horse as “Lord.” If we’re going off of funny name, I’m putting my money on Lord Miles of Kentucky.
