Dan Campbell is a likeable dude. He is also always saying something that make you either feel good or go, “Heh? What the heck?” I mean that in the best possible way.
I’ve put together a list of 10 totally hilarious things Dan Campbell has said during his few years with the Detroit Lions so far. Some of these have me scratching my head, while others just have me rolling in laughter. Dan, we love you! I hope for more great quotes this season.
Listen to the latest episode of “The Squad with Anne Erickson” below for some hot takes on the NFL Draft and what it means to the Detroit Lions. Reach out to me and give me your take on the Detroit Lions on social media here. Go Lions!
Dan Campbell quotes
This quote he said back before the Lions’ open practice at Ford field in 2022. “We are fricking starving … so the hyenas better get out of the way.” Via Dave Birkett.
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – NOVEMBER 13: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions reacts during the first half against the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field on November 13, 2022 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
Dan Campbell wanted a “pet lion” at practice. OMgosh.
Appearing on the “Pardon My Take” Podcast, Campbell said he asked for a pet lion at practice.
“I’ll tell you what I would really love to do, just in general,” he said. “I’ve talked to (Lions owner) Sheila (Ford Hamp) about this. I don’t think we’re going to be able to do it, but I would love to literally just have a pet lion. Just a legit pet lion on a chain — a big-a** chain. And he just, he really is my pet. We just walk around the building, we go out to practice, we’re in 7-on-7, we’re behind the kicker when he’s kicking. We’re just … there we are.”
DETROIT, MICHIGAN – AUGUST 13: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions looks on against the Buffalo Bills during the third quarter of a preseason game at Ford Field on August 13, 2021 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Nic Antaya/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
I’m all for a good analogy. But this one is a bit much for me. But, hey, I’m not a football player. Talk the talk, and walk the walk, right? Here’s Dan Campbell’s toilet paper pep talk. The quote is from July 2, 2021, talking about practice in a press conference via Michael Silver.
“I told them, honestly, Day 1, I said, ‘Look, I’m not carrying your toilet paper around. I’m not gonna wipe your butt. You’re gonna wipe your own butt. You handle it and I’ll treat you like men until you prove otherwise.”
ALLEN PARK, MICHIGAN – JULY 28: Detroit Lions head football coach Dan Campbell speaks with the media before the Detroit Lions Training Camp on July 28, 2021 in Allen Park, Michigan. (Photo by Nic Antaya/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
Who doesn’t remember the praying mantis comment? Dan Campbell said regarding Josh Reynolds, “He’s slippery man. I call him the praying mantis. He’s the spider of death. There’s something about him. Fricking serpent.” This is via Dave Birkett.
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – NOVEMBER 13: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions watches his team during the first half against the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field on November 13, 2022 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
I don’t get this quote at all. But, hey, it’s working, so keep these quotes coming, Dan!
“We’ll tread water as long as it takes to f***ing bury you.” This was said in August 2022 via Tyler Dunne.
DETROIT, MICHIGAN – DECEMBER 19: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions looks on from the side line during the third quarter of the game against the Arizona Cardinals at Ford Field on December 19, 2021 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Emilee Chinn/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
Here’s another one I don’t get. It’s from “Hard Knocks” in 2022. “It doesn’t matter if you have one a**-cheek and three toes, I will beat your a**.” Okay.
DETROIT, MICHIGAN – DECEMBER 11: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions during a game against the Minnesota Vikings at Ford Field on December 11, 2022 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
“I swear to God, I’m not a lunatic.” This was another quote from “Hard Knocks.” Dan, honestly, anyone who is going to head up the Detroit Lions and shoot for the Super Bowl has got to be a lunatic- the best kind. It’s okay. Embrace it.
DETROIT, MICHIGAN – JANUARY 09: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions walks off the field after defeating the Green Bay Packers at Ford Field on January 09, 2022 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Nic Antaya/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
Here’s another quote from “Hard Knocks.” Campbell says, “There is no light at the end of the tunnel. There is no light. There’s a song Metallica has, ‘No Leaf Clover,’ and it says, ‘Man, when it comes to the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, it’s just a freight train coming your way.'” I’m not crying, you are.
DETROIT, MICHIGAN – DECEMBER 04: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions looks on during the third quarter of the game against the Jacksonville Jaguars at Ford Field on December 04, 2022 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
“You grade them off the tape, you don’t grade off somebody out here in pajamas,” via The Sporting News. This is in regards to not liking the often misleading evaluations from the Scouting Combine.
GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN – SEPTEMBER 20: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions reacts against the Green Bay Packers during the second half at Lambeau Field on September 20, 2021 in Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images)
Dan Campbell quotes
This one wasn’t just a quote, but imagry, too. It went viral last year. It’s the moment that Dan Campbell went on “Hard Knocks” and shook out a pair of pants. “This last bit of losing has got to get outta here.” Via the NFL.
DETROIT, MICHIGAN – OCTOBER 31: Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions while playing the Philadelphia Eagles at Ford Field on October 31, 2021 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
