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Dave and Chuck the Freak

Weekdays 5:30am - 10:30am

By ANDY GREEN

We pick up sometime before Boba Fett got to the Mandalorian to get his armor, which seems to be incredibly, chubby guy friendly. (He’s had some weight gain since his Han in Carbonite days.) He takes an injured, almost dead Finnec to a body modification freaky weirdo in Mos Eisley. Fennic wakes up with a new stomach, and Boba Fett explains that he saved her life and he needs to get his ship back from Jabba’s palace.

Things get a bit wacky in the kitchen of Jabba’s palace with some various droids, then they get the ship. This is where I am beginning to kind of see Boba Fett as a bit of a f**k up. He wants to double check and see if his armor is in the Sarlaac pit. On the way there he sees some bitch-ass speeder bike gang members and blasts them to pieces. Once at the Sarlaac, we get to see that Boba can be kind of a f**k up. He maneuvers his ship over the sand beast’s pit. Apparently, however many years in the Sarlaac didn’t help Boba remember there’s a living Sarlaac there and it begins to try to eat the Slave 1.

Luckily, Finnec releases a bomb, and the Sarlaac explodes. They decide to have a camp fire and chill out for a bit. Boba explains to Finnec that he’s tired of being a bounty hunter and that he needs friends to be able to be a badass, Finnec thinks that sounds lame and calls him a pussy, but decides that she’s in for the idea. They decide to go grab the wookie that tried to kill Boba and see if he wants to be friends. See, Boba really wants to kick the s*** out of the Fish folk called the Pikes and the speeder bike gangs too. The Star Wars universe folk don’t have any kind of social media for Boba to start a group and find new friends. They head to the casino to grab the wookie. (Perhaps the most incredible sentence I’ve ever written.)

At the casino, we see that Krrsantan is having kind of a Michael Douglas “Falling Down” moment and just can’t take the annoying s*** of the casino-goers anymore, so he decides to start kickin’ everybody’s ass. The casino manager is like, dude… you’re awesome at kickin’ people’s asses, but there’s no asses to be kicked here and offers the wookie a clear bar tab if he doesn’t rip the arm off the gambling addicted lizard fella. Krrsantan, thinks it over and rips the creatures arm off.

Boba Fett watches the ass kicking and asks the wookie if he wants to be in his crew. Krrsantan is like, wwrrraraaarghh (shit-yeah in wookie speak) They have a meeting with other crime-lords and they start to be like, why don’t we just kill you, ya pussy? Boba’s like, the only thing is I have a Rancor, so f**k you. And they bitch up pretty quick.

What I Think So Far Star Wars rating: Gettin’ nervous about Boba becoming a pussy, but he kicked enough ass to remain cool for now.

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