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5 Ways To Celebrate Chuck Norris’s Birthday

In the past decade, Chuck Norris has become an interesting figure in pop culture thanks to the Chuck Norris Facts meme originally created by Ian Spector. Because of Chuck Norris Facts, Norris himself is more urban legend than he is an action star. In honor of Norris’s birthday today (March 10,) we’re taking a cue from his infamous “facts” and came up with a list of five way to celebrate this man/myth/legend.

1. Listen to the classic album Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys, because when you drop a phonograph needle on Chuck Norris’s nipple, that’s what plays.

2. Play with a Rubik’s Cube, because Chuck Norris can eat a Rubik’s Cube and poop it solved. (Ideally, you should play with a Rubik’s Cube that doesn’t belong to Chuck Norris, not because he may have pooped it out, but because he’d roundhouse kick you in the face if you tried.)

3. Start growing a beard, because it’s his piece of advice regardless of the situation.

4. Watch Alien vs. Predator, because as it turns out, it’s really a biopic about Chuck Norris’s first sexual experience.

5. Buy a Total Gym…duh!

 
Erica Banas is a rock/classic rock reporter. The first man she ever loved was Jack Daniel.  (True story.)